Gainel: Tourguide to the Inferno
by Robinwyn
Summary: PG-13 just to be safe, but there's really nothing bad here. Basically, this is a parody of Dante's Inferno using Tamora Pierce characters for the guardians and guides to the Inferno. Please read & review, I always value the reader's opinion. Oneshot.


Note: This is a parody of Dante's Inferno that I had to do for my Humanities class. If anyone wants to know what Humanities is, email me (horsemistresshotmail.com) and I will explain it to you in detail. This story is a one-shot. I thought I'd post it here because it has Tamora Pierce characters in it (which, by the way, do not belong to me. Neither do the "historical figures" in the story. Nothing you recognize is mine.) There is not meant to be any sequels or anything. Now, onto the story:

I was sitting under a tree, trying to read a book, when I saw an albino squirrel come jumping out of a nearby bush. _How odd_, I thought to myself. _I don't usually see white squirrels around here._ The squirrel leapt across the ground in front of me, only to disappear into a little hole in another tree. I decided to follow him. "Hey, little squirrel," I called. "Come here!" I stuck my hand into the hole to reach for him. Suddenly, I found myself standing on a perfectly flat plain in the middle of nowhere. It was impossible to tell where I was, exactly, for it was nearly pitch black. Light shone somewhere in the distance and it was just enough to show me that the plain stretched for miles without a single mound or hill anywhere.

The squirrel from before appeared and jumped across the plain just in front of me. I began to chase him, but no matter how close I got, it seemed I never gained a foot on him. Almost instantly, he changed. The change was so fast, I had missed it. It was almost like watching a sunset. No matter how vigilant I could be, I could never see the colors change from one to the next. Standing before me now was a tall, dark figure. He had a pale face framed by an unruly mane of dark hair. The eyes were shadowy pits that stretched into infinity. Staring into them, I thought I could see the movement of stars in the distance–or was it the albino squirrel? He was wearing a shirt and breeches under his heavy, black coat. Instantly, I knew who he was, the Dream King, Gainel. "I know who you are," I admitted.

_-I know you do,-_ replied Gainel. There was no sound in my ears, but instead, his voice sounded in my mind. _–Follow me.- _At once, the scene changed. We were now in a setting that had many rocks, hills, and pointy mounds, unlike the place we were before.

"Where are we?" I asked, looking up into his face. He stood behind me with his arms around my shoulders.

Gainel only pointed. There, where he pointed to, was a signpost at a fork in the path. I went to read it. It had three direction signs. The first, pointing to the left fork, read HELL- 15 FT. The sign pointing to the right fork read PURGATORY- 10 MI. Finally, the last was pointing in the direction from where we came. I looked back and the path behind Gainel was sloping gently upwards. I turned back. The sign indicated HEAVEN- 100 MI.

"Where are we going?" I asked. This time, Gainel pointed to the left path. "Oh," I said to myself. "I should have guessed." Gainel came to take my hand and we began to walk towards Hell.

_-Stay on the path and never stray far from me,-_ Gainel warned. _–It is very dangerous to go elsewhere.-_

Fifteen feet from where the signpost stood, there was a gate. Sitting on top of the gate, giving off a foul smell, was a strange creature. It was half human from the torso upwards and half hawk from the torso down. In place of arms were wings that were made from steel feathers. The bird-human's talons and teeth were also made from silvery metal. I recognized that it was a Stormwing. It fed upon human fear and the remains of human battles. The mythological being was immortal, meaning it could never die unless slain by another being. "Good day," the Stormwing said, bowing slightly, as we passed through the gate.

We came immediately upon a giant bird-lion, a griffin. _–Known for it's strength and vigilance, it is a perfect creature to judge those who come here. Watch,-_ commanded Gainel. At that moment, from another path leading into hell, came a man. The griffin stopped the person and was quiet for a moment. It squawked a number of times as the man walked past the griffin to the sixth of twelve paths that split just behind the griffin. We passed the griffin quietly, continuing along the first of the twelve paths.

We hadn't walked far when we came to an area surrounded by a simple split-rail fence. Inside, I could see people, men and women alike whose clothes would occasionally burst into flame. _–They have lied in their lifetime. Here, they are forbidden to lie, but should they attempt to do so, their clothes begin to burn until they utter the truth of the lie they told.-_ I stepped up to the fence so I could see better, and sure enough, every so often, one would begin to burn until they voiced a phrase different from the one that had set their clothes to burning.

We moved away from the first enclosure and then came to a second enclosure. I could see the griffin in the distance, so I assumed the paths circled around each other. The second enclosure was also split-rail, but in here, the people either sat with their head in their hands or walked alone, muttering to themselves. I noticed a sign nailed to the fence that read, THEY HAVE IGNORED OTHERS WHEN THEY LIVED. DO NOT INTERACT WITH THEM, AS THEY ARE FORBIDDEN TO INTERACT WITH YOU. "What does that mean?" I asked Gainel. He replied, _-It means that their punishment is to be ignored just like they ignored others. They cannot be spoken to.-_

The next enclosure we came to was much larger. On one side, people were chasing objects that they never seemed to reach. On the other side, people sat in piles of rotting spoilage. The stench was worse than the smell of Stormwings, so I had to hold my nose as I approached one pile. "What have you done to wind up here? What have the others done to appear as if they are chasing something invisible?" I asked.

"I was frivolous on earth. I wasted much of the money I earned on gambling," he replied. "Now I am doomed to sit here in this pile of rot for eternity. The others have been greedy. Now they must forever chase the object they deem most important."

We then passed a deep pit surrounded by what seemed like giant spiders. However, when one turned to look at us, I could see that it was really a spider with a human head. I continued to look at the pit and the spider-humans when a hand reached up from the pit. It was immediately stepped on by one of the spider-humans and shrank back into the pit. _–Those are Spidrens. They guard the pit of the Proud. The sinners here once looked over everyone with whom they lived. Now they are forced to live lower than those around them. Should they decide to leave the pit, the Spidren will push them back in.-_ A Spidren turned to look at us and gave an evil grin, his sharp, silver teeth glinting in the light.

I was becoming frightened by the Spidrens, so we moved on. We walked by an enclosure where people were being haunted by spirits of both people and objects. A sign near them said, THEY HAVE PREJUDGED THINGS. NOW THEY MUST LIVE WITH THAT WHICH THEY JUDGED. I stepped over to the fence and called out to the nearest person. She came over to me, all the while waving her hands in the air trying to swat something away. "What have you done?" I asked her.

"I am plagued by the ghosts of black people. I once believed, and still do believe, for that matter, that all black people are in gangs and are murderers and muggers," she replied, still swatting the air to rid herself of the ghosts of black people who were not muggers or murderers. Most of the ghosts were famous people like Martin Luther King Jr. and other black people. "Leave me alone!" she cried, while trying to run from her relentless tormentors.

Next, we came to a place where people were working quite diligently. –_They have been told that once they complete their task, they shall be free from hell's grasp. However, that is quite impossible.-_ Gainel told me. I saw the people move between two piles. Both gave off an offensive smell. One pile gradually grew larger while the other seemed to stay the same size. _–They have either accepted bribes or offered them when they were alive. Now they must move a pile of manure from one place to the next. But, as you can see, the pile they must move never diminishes. It is replenished whenever anything is taken from it.-_

Next to the piles of manure was a giant wall with an opening. It had a sign that read, LABYRINTH OF ENTRAPMENT. BEWARE: MINOTAUR INSIDE. "Are we going in? What's in there?" I inquired. _–Unless you have blackmailed someone in your lifetime or you want to get lost and eaten by the Minotaur, we are not going in,-_ replied Gainel. _–Let's move on. There are people in there who must now live within the trap they made for those they have blackmailed. At the end of every dead-end, there is a giant spider-web and a Spidren. In the center is a Minotaur. Those who go in never come out. They always get trapped in the webs or by the Minotaur.-_

The eighth enclosure we came to was made with chain-link fence with barbed wire. All the other enclosures before were made with either split-rail or picket fencing. Inside the chain-link fence were about five hundred Stormwings and many people who were chained to the rock floor. The Stormwings were feasting on the people. The people were screaming with pain. The stench was almost unbearable. Suddenly, from behind us, we felt a rush of air and smelled a whiff of decay as a Stormwing came to land in front of us. "You're the Stormwing from the entrance gate!" I exclaimed.

"Yes. I am Rikash Moonsword. I am in charge of this enclosure. The people here are thieves. Just as they stole from others, so shall we steal from their flesh every day." At that moment, a person within the enclosure cried out very loudly. We all turned to look. "Oh, that's just that famous singer who stole from a store. She's been here for a while." We continued to watch her. The Stormwing who fed on her was biting her legs and slicing off her toes to eat like sausages one at a time with his wings. I couldn't help but smile. She certainly deserved _this_ punishment. I looked around some more. I recognized people from the Cops show on TV.

After a short time and a relatively pleasant conversation with Rikash about who was in the enclosure, we moved on. The enclosure we came to was made of wrought iron. Inside, people were building what appeared to be shelters. However, once in a while, a seemingly complete shelter would come crashing to the ground. "Why do the shelters keep falling?" I asked Gainel.

__

-The people were destructive while they lived. They destroyed nature or human creations. There are people here who have destroyed the rain forests, were arsons, or were just plain destructive. Now they must build their own shelter, but as the last nail is placed, the shelter falls.- explained Gainel. _–Let us move on. We are running out of time and there is still more to see.-_

So, we continued on our way. Finally, we came to the last enclosure that was made from concrete-and-brick with a rough top of stone and glass shards. The enclosure was divided down the middle by a shorter concrete-and-brick wall. There was no way to see into the enclosures save for the narrow gates into each. We peered through one gate. Inside, people would occasionally wince or writhe in pain created by unseen hands. I recognized a few from the news. Those people had been rapists while they were alive. 

__

–These people have abused others. Now they must feel every blow they have ever dealt to another,- Gainel told me.

We peered into the adjacent enclosure. Here, the people would writhe in pain for a few moments then, to all appearances, melt into the ground, only to reappear in the enclosure somewhere else. I recognized the father from the father-and-son snipers who were caught and tried for multiple murders in Washington DC. He would be standing still for a little bit, then a tiny circle of blood would appear on him. He would cry out in pain, then melt into the ground. A few seconds later, he would reappear some distance away from where he had been. "What's happening to him?" I asked, confused.

__

-He murdered people by shooting them. So, now he must be dealt the same death. Others in here have murdered people in different ways. Like those who have abused others, these murderers must 'die' in the same way they killed their victims. Come, we must go now.-

Gainel took my hand and we walked down the last bit of path. We came to a creature that looked like a stereotypical devil. He had the pointed tail, a pitchfork, cloven hooves, and horns. His skin was red. He stood in front of two doors that were guarded by two Spidrens. "Where do you think you're going?" he sneered.

"We're leaving," I replied, attempting to go around him.

"Not so fast. You do not know which of the two doors to pass through. How do you know they don't both lead to the fiery depths of hell?" he teased. "One of these doors leads to the fiery depths of hell where those who have committed more than one sin dwell. The other leads back to the main path and to freedom. However, one of those Spidrens always tells the truth. The other always lies. You may ask only one question of only one Spidren. Ask the wrong question and you shall be living in the fiery depths of hell for all eternity!"

I began to think fast. How could I escape? Gainel was nowhere to be seen. He must have taken off at the sight of the devil. _Some friend_, I thought to myself.

__

-I am here. I have never left you,- said Gainel from somewhere. _–He must not know I am here. I am standing right beside you. I will not leave you. The question was directed to you, though. I am not permitted to give you advice.-_

"Wait!" I cried. _I know this! I read about a similar predicament in a book once!_ I stepped up to the Spidren on the left and asked, "Is the truthful Spidren standing in front of the door to the fiery depths of hell?"

The Spidren replied, "Yes."

"Thanks," I said. I proceeded to the door on the right. _Come on, Gainel. That was an easy question_, I thought to myself, knowing that Gainel would hear me. "Good-bye, Mister Devil," I mocked, waving. I opened the door. Gainel and I walked through to the path and safety. "See? I told you I knew it," I whispered. Gainel only grinned, patting my shoulder in proud agreement.

Suddenly, I found myself standing on the plain again. Out of nowhere I felt a gentle breeze blow by me. In my mind I could hear someone say, _-Until tomorrow. Then we shall explore Purgatory.-_ The breeze flew past me in an instant. Then I could just make out a figure standing some distance away. It waved and I found myself flying backwards, away from the figure.

I now could see grass, trees, and sky. I realized I was now awake. I sighed. "That was a very interesting dream. I wonder what tomorrow's will bring." I settled myself under the tree once more to read again.

So? What did you think? Please review!! Constructive criticism is welcome, too, but not much will be done about it because of a few reasons: 1. This story was already handed in to my teacher and many students who read it liked it even though they never heard of Tamora Pierce. 2. It was already checked over for spelling and grammar mistakes several times. And 3. I just thought it would be something fun to post.


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